I don't know why.. but I feel like writing.  I've been through so much in the
past few weeks.. with thoughts so grotesque that I can't even mention them.
With so many temptations.. but victory in trial nonetheless.  I know part of
me wants to thank God for getting me through all this.  Cuz I know I brought
a lot of it on myself.. and yet I also know that my pains had a great
influence upon my giving into temptation so many times.  I just realize that,
even if I've had great troubles, I still can rely on God to get me through..
and not turn to sin to numb the pain or overwhelm me with pleasure so much
that I forget it for awhile.  I know God understands me better than I ever
will.. and that I couldn't have totally avoided my sinning.. cuz that's how I
was created -- as part of the Adamic curse.. And I wonder at how so many
people can go about preaching that we deserve hell for something we can't
stop.  Or that we deserve to be on Jesus' cross -- that somehow He took it in
our place, rather than to do far more than pay our punishment for sin.  But
really now.. how can we deserve punishment for sin if we can't avoid that
sin?  I'm not saying we can't avoid sin at all.. but.. that we aren't strong
enough to avoid sin always.  That's what the Bible says.. that God made the
Law in such a way as to point out that we could not be righteous in and of
ourselves.. in our own strength.. so that God would have to pour mercy out on
everyone.. thus making us all 'equal' in that regard.
That's another thing though.. I mean.. so many people say that God loves us
all equally.  But that's just not Scriptural.  Truly spoken.. God loves more
those who love Him more.  God pours His affections out more upon those who
are obedient than upon those who pursue evil.  Yes.. He still sends rain upon
all (which is a 'good' kind of rain).. but.. He doesn't pour the same amount
of goodness upon those who make evil their practice.  Yes.. He does have a
tender spot for each human being... but He has to deal with each human
fairly.. according to what they've done versus what they could've done.. and
how much they've accepted His mercy in Jesus -- *which*, by the way, is
always contingent upon our repentance from our sin.. and not simply bestowed
upon all people no matter how much they sin.
It's interesting.. Life on this planet is so tough.  Especially for me.. cuz
I seem to be running into more and more things that many people in
Christendom do not believe.. but which the Bible is clear about.. or which
logic (not Vulcan logic, but true logic) mandates.  I've been an outcast in
just about every place I've gotten into.  From MUD to church to Bible study
to family to class to school.. I've always been thrown aside as unworthy of
love or support.  It's as though some force has been trying to destroy me all
my life -- and I know that force has a name -- satan.
The Bible is clear.. that God wants all men to receive salvation.. but most
won't.  And if He truly does desire that no man perish, but that all come to
repentance.. then that includes me.  He doesn't hate me.. as satan has tried
so nastily to get me to believe.  Oh He hates my sin.. but... He doesn't hate
the me He made me to be.  So why have I been so alone?  Why have I been hurt
so much?  It's simple.. it's to prepare me for what's coming -- so that I
will be able to rely on Him when nobody else is around who does.   Cuz that's
how things are gonna get.  People are going to hate God.. and therefore
Christians.. more and more.  Things are going to get worse and worse.  And
there isn't going to be any 'rapture' to take us out of this world until God
has finished accomplishing His purposes as written up in Revelation.  To say
that Jesus will return twice is nuts.  It's not Biblical.  He will return
once.. and those who are His will rise to meet Him, then in one decisive
battle, the beast, the false prophet, and all the armies of Armageddon will
be destroyed by Jesus -- without a single loss of 'life' on Jesus' side.  As
if any human can think he can truly prevail against an angel if God doesn't
let Him.
All these prophecies about the end times.. and about easy lives and escapist
doctrines such as the Rapture are hogwash.  True Christianity means giving
all you are.. 24/7.. for Jesus.  It doesn't mean sitting back.. relaxing..
and just enjoying life on this planet while the rest of the world falls
apart.  Nor does it mean taking up arms and hating those Jesus told us to
love.  We need to pour out our whole selves into loving all people.. as God
would have us do.  It's not about enjoying this life.. (i.e. being a friend
of the world).. but about being God's friend.. and despising this life, so
that we can live eternally, and bring as many as possible with us into
eternity.  If you think it's gonna be easy.. you've been deceived.  If life
is easy for you.. maybe you're missing something.  Cuz this world is
naturally set against true Christianity.. and it naturally hates Christians.
As I have on a poster on my wall, "The more you become like Jesus, the more
people will treat you like Jesus."  It then goes on to quote Isaiah 53.. how
Jesus was despised and rejected by man.. a man of sorrows.. and well
acquainted with grief.  If you have things easy.. if you fit in this world..
if you have found a place where you think you'ren safe.. think again, cuz you
are actually setting yourself up for failure.  Real Christianity will not fit
into this world until Jesus returns.  Man has attempted to make it fit.. by
institutionalizing it.. but.. you can't institutionalize or governmentalize
what God has meant to put Himself in charge, rather than the institution or
government.  The fact is... since a government or institution must needs
protect itself to continue.. but Jesus told us to not resist evildoers.. but
lovingly offer the other cheek when smitten upon one.. it is a natural
conclusion that every govenment of man must bow to God's Word in Jesus.. and
give up protecting itself, but live totally for God in Jesus.  That is God's
desire.. that is God's design.. He simply knows that most people aren't going
to think it's feasible enough to do so.. so you won't bother.  You'll prefer
to protect yourselves rather than live totally for Jesus.  You'll prefer to
save your lives, rather than lose it.  And that will end up in loss of
eternity.  Don't think for an instant that any profession of faith or being
'saved' once is guaranteed to bring you eternity apart from obedience.  Think
about the parable of the talents.. and the servant who got only one talent,
and buried it.  That person *was* God's servant.. and hid the gift of God in
the ground, rather than used it properly.  God appointed this *SERVANT* (not
unbeliever, but servant) his portion *WITH* the unbelievers.  Why..?  Because
he refused to put his Master's gift to proper use.  And those of you who
enjoy your lives on this planet... without truly living for God.. will find
yourselves wanting in the next life.  Your work will be burned up, and your
life will *not* be saved.  The 'day' of this statement (day that declares the
worth of one's building upon the foundation of Christ) is not the Day of the
Lord, but the daylight... the truth.. your lives.  You who build poorly upon
the foundation of Christ will have your work burned up in this life.. but
you'll be saved if you continue on in your foundation.. *IF* you keep that
foundation.  Yet if you refuse to live in proper obedience to Christ, that
isn't building upon the foundation, that's digging holes *IN* the
foundation.. and will guarantee that you sink into the mire, never to
return.  This "Once-saved-always-saved" doctrine needs to be burned and
buried for eternity.. before it causes any more deaths.
I hate being so alone in my beliefs.. but.. Jesus was very alone in His... so
I guess I should rejoice in the sufferings that I receive that parallel His.
I simply need to refuse sin and walk as He walked.. rather than being a
friend of the world and enjoying all the encoutrements that this world has.
For those of you who truly wish to love life.. stop living with Jesus, and
start living *for* Jesus.  It will make all the difference in the world.